Friday, April 8, 2011

All My Friends Say... #DrPepper

So there's this country song about this guy who went out drinking with his buddies and had this crazy night, but he doesn't remember any of it because he was drunk.

But his friends fill him in on all of the crazy things that he did.

Well, "all my friends say (yeah, yeah, yeah)" that I was involved in the recent Texas Dr Pepper incident.

This is what I've managed to piece together:

During my time off from my job up here in Indianapolis, I met up with Arthur Thornton and Rich Dunbar in Texas ~1,000 miles away.
While there, I defeated a trucker in honorable combat, and then I fired a disruptor on the body; vaporizing it.
Then the three of us hot-wired the Dr Pepper-filled semi-truck.
Since I don't know how to hot-wire; I'm guessing it was either Arthur or Rich who did that magic.
I really need to remember to vaporize bodies after I take the keys off of them...
Anyway, once the truck was up and running, I would have been the driver as I have my CDL and am fully trained and qualified to operate such a vehicle.

After emptying the precious cargo, we left the trucks behind undamaged (to be re-filled again...).

According to the news article, this happened three times in the last two months.
Five trucks total.

As I've only been employed for about a month, I guess that seems feasible.

I should note that I'm hypoglycemic and only drink Caffeine Free Diet Dr Pepper (and it's really hard to find).
I gave up sugar and caffeine in October.

Apparently my body is craving the sugar and the caffeine that it has been deprived of, and I've been driven to a life of crime. Withdrawal symptoms are never pretty.

Now, after drinking 1/3 of a truckload of Dr Pepper; my system would have overloaded and sent me into a sugar-induced coma. Or a manic spree.

At any rate, I eventually blacked out and lost all memory of the events.

Somehow I managed to make it back home to Indiana.

And then we rinse and repeat.

And as I type this, Google just sent me an e-mail. I think they're accusing me as well.